I once was kept in a room like this.
Barren walls with cracks of desolance, blanketed in places with dewy moss that creeps through the shadows. Milky light filters through a spored atmosphere and distils it before what is left is evaporated by thirsty walls. The deafening sound of silence is accompanied by the varying drip and drop that cannot be located. Following the sound leads to nothing and then off in another direction, the patter can be heard once again. Often, you can begin to think you are in a square room going round in circles.
Things can penetrate your mind like that after not long. Did I even move at all, or do the shadows hide something from me – like the room is not square at all? And so the tip tap of the drip drop patters and you find yourself absorbed by it as you stare into the darkness and wonder if you can begin to see anything. Or has it already all been seen so many times before? Time starts to slip away from you as if each drop is another part of anything you think you know disappearing, being absorbed into the darkness by the something that you thought you might have seen, seemingly more apparent and more powerful with each drop.
Is that what is happening? Is that creature that I think I can see but I cannot, taking myself away from me? Is each drop just another part that it has absorbed while I try harder and harder to see? Maybe if I stop spending time looking then it won’t be able to take anything. But then as inevitable as the next second that draws out longer than the one before it, the drip drop seeps inside, turning you round and drawing you in once more.
Now there is a chair, in the centre of the room I think. Has it always been there? Or had I just been unaware? Maybe the shadows had concealed it from me before so now I was only to notice. But if the shadows had been hiding it, then that must mean the light is finally managing to creep through. The creepee becomes the creeper. Ha ha! Maybe if I sit and think about this then it will become more clear to me. If I see things in the light and from a different perspective then I can figure this all out.
So I sit.
My foot is tapping. How long have I been here and what is my foot tapping for? I look around but I cannot see anything but darkness eating shadow. Darkness eating shadow – how can shadow eat darkness? Surely a shadow is darkness and darkness shadow? I do not understand how this can be. Unless what I think is a shadow is in fact not a shadow. So I look closer, peering in and leaning further off my chair until the hind legs begin to tilt up. What can I see? I do not know for I do not know what it is that I look for. Maybe the only thing that I know is that I don’t know what I’m looking for. I slip back into my chair to ponder this. Maybe it’s time for reassessment.
I stand on the chair and raise my left leg. Surely I could never have done this before... is that a question or a statement? Now it’s a question, so was it a question to begin with? Can you follow a question with another question? Apparantly, so.
The dripping has stopped.
I pause, holding my breath for fear that the slightest movement could trigger it off. I wait for a while longer and nothing happens so I wonder what to do. If I move, this could be dangerous. But, if I stay still, then I will be stuck forever standing on a chair with one leg in the air. And this just cannot do. A resolute sigh escapes me and I slowly lower my leg so that the tip of my foot touches the chair. The stillness of the room is so powerful that at any second I anticipate it could knock me to the floor. So I must stop it.
The dripping starts. I am in the dark. Where is the chair? Did the stillness push me before I had a chance to stop it? I look down but I cannot see. I feel my foot tapping and my eyes blinking with ever y drop. What happened to the chair? I cannot see any chair. I must be being silly. If there was a chair, I would be able to see it and I cannot see any chair, therefore there must not be a chair. How foolish I can be!
So what am I doing here?
I must be here for a reason, or else I wouldn’t be here at all. That decided, I must figure out where it is that I am. This must be a room of some sort. There is light that trickles in like dirty water, polluted by the dark that engulfs everything in here. If I move towards it then I will be able to see better. But then, if I move into the light, what if there is something else in here and then it will be able to see me? That can’t be good. Or could it? Maybe if I creep towards it and stay out of sight then I can see, without being seen. That might work.
I hear dripping and I can see cracks in walls. There are walls and there are cracks. I must be in a room, at least. Success at last! Saturated moss floods everything I can see, ever absorbing. The light that creeps in, the water that drips... somewhere. Where is that dripping coming from? Wait a minute... I know this!
I was kept in a room like this once.
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